Welcome, wanderers and wonderers, to the most definitive guide on what to do in Austin April. If you're seeking a mundane listicle, kindly redirect your browser to "BoringCities.com." But if you're ready to dive deep into the heart of Austin, Texas and have some real fun, stick around.
1. Frolic Among the Bluebonnets Without Getting Arrested
April in Austin means one thing: bluebonnets. These vibrant wildflowers blanket the hillsides, providing the perfect backdrop for your next profile picture (because who doesn't want to appear outdoorsy?). But remember, folks, while it's tempting to roll around in these azure beauties, trampling them is a big no-no. Stick to the paths, snap your pics, and resist the urge to recreate that scene from The Sound of Music.
Pro Tip: Head over to the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center for a guided tour. Not only will you get the best views, but you might also meet a botanist who can mansplain flowers to you.
2. Barton Springs: Embrace the Chill or Die Trying
Swimming in Barton Springs in April is a rite of passage, like getting your first tattoo or crying over property taxes. The water is a frigid 68 degrees year-round, perfect for masochists and people who say things like "I love a good ice bath." If you're new to Austin, this is where you go to prove you belong. If you can survive the initial shock, you can survive anything—including waiting in line for Franklin’s BBQ.
Pro Tip: The best way to enter is to run in screaming. No slow dipping allowed.
3. ABC Kite Fest: High Times in Zilker Park
At ABC Kite Fest, thousands of Austinites gather at Zilker Park to aggressively out-kite each other. Expect children sobbing over tangled strings, competitive dads mansplaining aerodynamics, and at least one rogue kite attack. It's whimsical, chaotic, and exactly the kind of energy Austin thrives on.
Pro Tip: Bring a backup kite. Someone will cut your string and laugh about it.
4. Eeyore's Birthday Party: Not Your Childhood Pooh Bear
Eeyore's Birthday Party is where Austin lets its freak flag fly. This annual hippie gathering in Pease Park features drum circles, body paint, questionable substances, and enough tie-dye to blind a small village. It's equal parts Renaissance fair, music festival, and psychedelic fever dream.
Pro Tip: Clothes are optional, but sunscreen is not.
5. Austin Reggae Festival: Jammin' and Slammin'
If you like reggae, food trucks, and vague plans that start with “Let’s just see where the night takes us,” then Austin Reggae Fest is your scene. This three-day festival at Auditorium Shores brings in reggae artists from all over, giving you a great excuse to sway rhythmically while pretending to know the words.
Pro Tip: There’s a chance someone will offer you a “special” brownie. Consider your life choices wisely.
6. Old Settler’s Music Festival: Where Old-Timers Rock Harder Than You
Old Settler’s Music Festival is where bluegrass and Americana fans gather to drink craft beer and tell you that “music just isn’t the same anymore.” Expect mandolins, harmonicas, and some of the best pickin’ you’ve ever heard.
Pro Tip: Bring a lawn chair or risk sitting on the ground and rethinking your life choices.
7. Austin Blues Festival: Feeling Blue Never Felt So Good
Feeling melancholic? Need to drink whiskey and stare into the distance? Austin Blues Festival has got you covered with soulful performances and plenty of emotional support guitars.
Pro Tip: Dress in all black and nod solemnly at people. It adds to the experience.
8. Fusebox Festival: Art So Contemporary, It Might Be From the Future
Fusebox Festival is Austin’s experimental art fest where performances range from "brilliantly innovative" to "am I on drugs?" Expect installations, performances, and at least one show that involves interpretive dance and existential dread.
Pro Tip: Keep an open mind. And maybe a flask.
9. Texas Relays: Faster Than a Jackrabbit on Espresso
If you’ve ever wanted to feel completely unathletic, Texas Relays is your chance. This is where track stars zoom past you while you struggle to jog from your car to the entrance.
Pro Tip: Wear running shoes. It won’t make you faster, but it will make you feel faster.
10. Esther's Follies: The Crown Jewel of Austin's April Nights
And now, the pièce de résistance—Esther’s Follies, the best damn comedy show in Texas. Political satire, magic, musical numbers, and enough raunch to make your grandmother clutch her pearls. If you don’t laugh, check your pulse.
Pro Tip: Sit near the front. The comedians will roast you, but it's worth it.
Austin in April is a whirlwind of music, weirdness, and near-hypothermic swims. Whether you're getting high (on kites, of course) or howling with laughter at Esther's Follies, there's no wrong way to do it. Just remember: keep Austin weird, tip your bartenders, and never, ever try to pet the bats.